Yes, I said it outloud. What I’ve been crying about, worried about, stressed about… I said it. Through the roughest time in my life that I’m going through (besides losing my best friend). I was unemployed for 6, almost 7 months… did anyone in my immediate family call to see if they could do anything to help? No.
I let that pass.
I’ve asked for help from my immediate family for moving. My sister said she wouldn’t have time (I even asked her to at least help me pack), AFTER she said 'no' because she has 'finals'... I find out she’s traveling 2 hours away and making time for my brother this weekend and the kid. I’m going through tough times.. Losing my house of 11 years.. Lost my marriage and have to put Ciyan down. (Ciyan will be tomorrow.. My precious baby will be gone, and they know how much my dogs mean to me-has anyone called to check on me???? NO.)
I’ve gone through bankruptcy… everyone has forgotten all this loss I’m experiencing. Everyone chooses to forget I’m struggling.
Don’t tell me family is there for you when you need them most. I don’t want to hear that shit. My family is around when things are good… or they wait to see you fail so they can say ‘I told you so’. (the last time I saw my mother was my birthday, last year.. FEB!!! She lives 15 min's away!!!!) My brother has a kid, just found out he’s having another (only been married a year!)… and yet.. Everyone rallies around him. My sister, going to college, another golden child to them.
Me, I’m a failure in their eyes and apparently not worth their time. Shouldn’t your family rally together and hold you up, help you back up on your feet (not even money.. Just support)???
I’ve decided I’m done. I’m done trying to reach out… I’m done asking for ANYTHING. I’m done. Fuck it.
That’s all I have to say.
Fuck it. Fuck everything. I’ve gotten along by myself all these years… I’ve pretty much done everything on my own. I don’t need anyone now.
I wish I was moving out of state and that I hadn't signed a lease here. I wouldn’t look back.
Hey Alexa.. First off, let me say that I know the "fuck it" mentality all to well. I hate that you have to go through all this, and going into the holidays no less. I wish you the very best in whatever comes your way next. I don't know the inner workings of your family, but seems as though someone would have stepped up for support,if nothing else. So sorry also about Ciyan...for me, it's just me and my dog Annie, so I feel your pain. I believe there is something waiting around the proverbial corner that will lift you up and turn this around for you. I have been a fan/supporter of yours for a few years now and will continue to be. Take care sweetie.
ReplyDeleteMike, Thank you so much for supporting me... I typed this blog when I was upset... it was one of those things where you sit down and things just spill onto the computer screen. Sorry you guys were the ones to have to read it!!
ReplyDeleteI'm keeping my head up and know things will turn around.. I'm starting fresh and making changes!! I promise to have new pics soon.. once I get all moved and settled!
xo