Yuck, what a day.

Yeah, I know, I seem to be whining a lot lately.

I planned on putting all my stuff out for a garage sale again.. but I woke up to thunder.. and pouring rain... so, I went back to bed....

Woke up and lugged all the stuff back down to the basement... I'll put it back out when the community has a day for garage sales.

I really just wanted to thank all those who have served, who are serving and those MIA and who have lost their lives for us. This day is for you. Thank you.

Hot. Outside for the second day.. but I'm not complaining...

So, I gathered a TON of stuff to sell in a yard/garage sale, and this is what I've been doing this weekend... This is the second day I've sat out here with the items. I'm dreading dragging everything back in that doesn't sell. Ugh. I hope it gets busier... there were more people out yesterday. I wonder if I should sit out here tomorrow too. This is one of the ways I figured I could make some 'living' money. I've priced everything to sell.. and hell, if you want something make an offer, you'll probably get it.

I heard that Office Max is hiring two new managers.. so, we'll see on Tuesday about going down there.. I hope they don't tell me I'm over-qualified and give me a chance... I'll let you all know how that goes when the time comes.

My neighbor (three doors down) came and talked to me with her kid. They adopted her from Russia two months ago. Traveled there twice.. and paid for the kid???? Wow, some people have money they can throw around like that I guess... and yes, it happened BEFORE all that crap about the woman sending the kid back to Russia because he was 'bad'.

I just heard Beer was going up in price too. Some of those beers like PBR are going to suffer.. cause if your paying that much for beer, you might as well get Bud. Man, everything is suffering and raising prices when people can't really afford it.. Things are ass backwards.

Broken Heart... again.

My heart is breaking again. I got a letter stating I had to be out of my house by the 18th of August. This crushes me. I need a job so badly.

I guess I'll tell you what I needed to meet a lawyer for ... I am going through a divorce.. if you can call it that. I have no money to fight, and he's trying to give me all the debt.. including the house. He has not paid me one cent. Not one cent to help with the electric or gas.. or anything. He stepped out of our marraige and was unfaithful. I am now trying to get out. To get out of an institution that held me .. I was faithful, I wanted the best.. but I was crushed.. by something I thought that would last.

I am going through so much right now.. so much turmoil .. and not having a job to get me out of this mess is killing me.

The lawyer wants $500 to continue fighting. To type up a proposal.. with out the money he wont do anything.

I am lost, and I don't know what to do. I need help.

I think I'm being tested....

Yeah....that's what I've decided.

Things seem to pile on me.. is it because I haven't broken yet? Is it because I can somehow handle things that others couldn't? I don't handle things well, I'm very emotional, but they happen... and they happen to me.

I was washing clothes on yet another unemployed day. Let the dogs out... picked up a bit outside... looked at the grass, and couldn't see my dogs.. ugh.. how embarrasing. Let the dogs in .. went upstairs to get sheets to wash next.

Got to the basement door and realized the water was still running?

There was water ALL OVER basement. I skip ran the steps making it to the washer as fast as I could to shut it off. This can't be happening... last week the dryer started not turning off, so I have to remember to stop it when things are dry. So, I spent all day cleaning up water and letting the basement air out. All I could do is stare at my washer... wanting to take a sledge hammer to it.

I decided to come upstairs and take a breather... try to relax and breathe.

I then got in my car because my lawyer wanted to meet with me to sign papers. (yeah, a whole long OTHER story) I'm driving along and sudennly feel a thump thump and I feel tilted. So, I turned around because I wasn't far from home. I get out and walk around the car... a HOLE the size of my hand was in my back tire. I have a flat.. not a fixable flat, but a FLAT. I kicked it.

I'm stranded now at home with a car jacked up in my garage because I can't get the damn thing off. I've had to reschedule with the lawyer and my basment smells like wettness now. I don't have a job, and I don't have money that I'm making like I have since I was 14.

(oh, and I can't remember if I said anything, but my toilet broke last week as well and I had to clean up water *clean thankfully* because something busted.. and now it needs a new supply line and toilet)

I look up at the sky and just wonder if I'm being tested... If someone is trying to see how far I can be pushed until I break... I'm beginging to wonder if it's close.

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts....

Those are the first few words of Michael Buble's new song, 'Haven't Met You Yet'.

I like Michael Buble... The new song, I thought it was kind of irritating and I would turn it when I heard it come on. Then.... I gave it a chance.. I listened to the words.. Take out the 'relationship' view, and listen to the words, I can see or feel what he's saying.

So many things in his song...
"I've broken my heart so many times, I've stopped keeping track
I talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up then I let myself down"...

Wow, do I know what he's talking about.. it's not even about the relationship that he's supposedly talking about ... It's me.. my everyday life...

.... 'I know someday it'll all work out'....

This is what I keep telling myself.. don't give up, it will all work out.

.....'I might have to wait, I'll never give up'....

I keep telling myself this as well... just don't give up... keep plugging along and trying...

This is the first time in my life I've had to ask for help.. it's killing me. I've been so independant, always making my own money, never asking anyone for help. Out on my own by the age of 18, I aquired what I have by myself, I can't say my mommy or daddy got me anything. In turn, I feel I appreciate things more. Everything from the money I earn to things I buy.... I take nothing for granted. Asking for help has taken so much of me to voice. I'm not used to feeling hopeless or helpless. If my car needed fixed, I'd save my money and fix it.. if I needed something at home fixed, I'd save and pay it myself. Not being able to do that is killing me. Having to ask for help is foreign to me...

I volunteered so many places, knowing something could happen to me to lose everything I have at any moment, and helping others made me feel better. If you've never seen the movie, 'Pay it Forward', you need to pick it up. It's a heartfelt movie, and of course made me cry... but it's how each of us should live our lives...

I saw Will.I.Am on Opera the other day. He paid off two families homes!!! I liked the man and his music before, but now I have even more of a deep respect for him. I only wish to be able to fulfill lives like that. He is using the money we pay for records, songs, etc.. and helping others with the ridiculous amount of money he earns. Hats off to him... It makes my heart swell... when the families cried I cried.

Will and Jada Smith are on Opera right now... I've always loved them.. (what the hell am I doing watching Opera!!??)

Oh, and my 18 (in June will be 19) year old dog is having problems and I will probably have to put him down soon. Things are just piling on...

...'I tried so hard not to lose it, I came up with a million excuses'....
.... 'I know someday it will all work out'.....

Another day... and no dollar..

Of course its a Sunday, so no-one has called me back for any interviews or let me know any outcomes of any interviews. blah.

Didn't get to sleep until around 3am... got up around noon. This is ridiculous. I've wasted half my day. I kick myself when I wake up.

I've cleaned the hell out of my house today.. just because I'm bored. I got online and filled out apps and forwarded my resume` to several places. I've even found myself reading up on online moneymaking.

I REALLY need to mow the grass, however, finding money to fill a little red tank of gas has been impossible right now. My unemployment is still 'pending'. No decisions. You can barely see my short weiner dog bounce through the back grass. I'm so embarrased.

As I type this, I'm trying to get the gumption up to go for my daily 4 mile jog. Might as well stay in shape instead of turning into a couch potato that plays Uncharted online all day.

I should fill my trunk with bags of trash to dump at my old job's bins, since I haven't been making money, I've ceased paying for my trash pick-up. This is getting out of hand too.

I'm random, I know this.. so ... playing on the tv is 'The Hills'.... I've never seen it... do people really watch this... OMG>.. FUNNY. You don't have enough drama in your own life?? lol

Well, off to jog... Hope you are all having a better day than me and are being thankful every second for your job you hold.

After 13 Years... I have no job..

I was loyal to my employer... I was at work every day... Rarely ever calling off. It had to be something earth shaking for me to call off. I even showed up when I wasn't feeling well, thankful for HAVING a job.

I even went and paid to go to school during the weekends to help and get my license. Enabling me to do more with my job and with clientele. Office accounting, scheduling, creating ads and fact sheets, discussing situations with clients, troubleshooting and taking care of my daily routines.

Then, after 13 years... I was let go. I was lost. I'm still lost. The job market here is bad. I have applied and left my resume at dozens of business'. I have called each place and have been told many times I'm over qualified. Overqualified???? I don't care!! Just give me a job so I can pay my bills!!

I always thought I'd have this job.. I always thought I'd retire there. I thought I was one of the lucky ones that didn't have to worry about downsizing or losing my means of living.

However, here I am.. sitting behind my computer, unemployed and struggling for money. I have so much to offer a company, but no-one is willing to take a chance on me. I just want a chance to prove myself, to prove my loyalty and to prove I learn quickly and do my work efficiently.

I lost my job, going through a divorce and have no money. I'm thinking things just can't get worse.

I am an emotional person. I don't want to be fucked over, I don't want to be fucked around on or lied to. I'm very simple. Simple to make happy. All I want is for someone to love me back, have a job and be happy. That's all. Is it too much to ask?